He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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