either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
