We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
