so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
