We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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