ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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