3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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