the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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