and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
