shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
