You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
