we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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