Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
