yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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