I'm sorry my penis didn't work
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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