Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
