What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
