She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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