If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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