I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize