You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
