Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
