Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
