Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
