my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
