just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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