the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
