Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
