your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
