i just made my gag reflex go away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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