I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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