ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
operation harelip BJ is a go
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
