Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
