The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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