actually, I'm a sock model
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
