I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
