If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
