Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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