Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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