Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
