"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
