I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
