Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your cock deserves a montage
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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