have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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