Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
