mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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