new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mom said you looked used
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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