And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize