he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
