she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
