yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
