atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
