I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
