I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
