So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
