actually, I'm a sock model
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
