I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
