guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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