So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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