Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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