she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
