I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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