I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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