I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
