how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
