dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
